Category: "Living Alone"

Why I Live Alone

Date: I just want to cuddle.
Me: Oh okay.
Later that night...
Julian! Your foot is on fire! (Note: As a rule, I sleep on the left side of the bed, against the wall. Living alone, I tend to take up the whole bed. Unfortunately, my date wanted the left side, so I said okay. Not aware that I was sleeping on the right side of the bed, my foot was hanging off the side of the bed. Thor wanted some target practice)
Out of habit I rolled once to grab the fire extinguisher, and fell flat onto the floor. Flaming foot and all. Based on the scream, I don't think I found the fire extinguisher.
Opening my eyes, I did locate the correct object for putting out my foot fire. ...and proceed to do just that.
My date, looking at my smoldering foot, remarked, "That's looks bad!"
My reply was, "Wait."
About that time there was a knock on the back door with the utterance, "EMS." My favorite lady paramedic came barging into the bedroom. She looked and my foot and remarked, "Again?" She dressed my foot, with a real doll dress, gave me shot for the pain, left activating the alarm system on the way out.
My date looked at me, my foot, me again...
and left.

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Our First Date

Our first date:
My date, "Why is there a Fire Extinguisher in every corner in every room of the house?"
Me: Thor.
What's a Thor?
A Ghost.
Lacking better judgement, "If you see a spider and hear a shot gun shell being chambered, DUCK!"
His aim is crappy. Last time he dropped the gun, it went off and shot me in the tush. Still lacking judgement, "I couldn't torque for almost a month. You want to see the scars?" *Slam!* Lost another one.

'nite, all.

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Living Alone

Why I live alone:
New Love: Why is the bed so cold?
J: That's where Thor sleeps.
NL: I didn't know you had a cat.
J: He's not a cat
NL: You let your dog sleep on your bed?
J: He's not a dog.
NL: Ewww You have a snake?
J: (Keeping this G-rated) No.
NL: Sits upright, WHAT IS THOR?
J: Sighs, he's a ghost.
Former NL: A what? And bolts for the door.
J: Dang. Resets the alarm and goes back to sleep.

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